(in no particular order)
1. Jack Frost—Child’s head in a bag; “Look ma, I’m a Picasso!” Read my review.
2. Shaun of the Dead—Already a classic that draws attention to the fact that, once things with the walking dead settle, not all that much changes (especially slacker relationships.)
3. Dead Alive—Peter Jackson can make a lot of gore on a shoestring budget. This is his second film and just has so so many good lines—“your mother ate my dog,” “I kick ass for the lord…”you’ll find yourself trying to use them in everyday conversation. Rated Z for scenes involving zombie love (Not for those with a weak stomach).
4. Freddy vs. Jason—It seems that a lot of people expected this one to be scary. I mean, C’mon. Neither series had been scary since their first installment. Several funny lines—“That’s one pissed off goalie”—and an introduction that gives a bit of interesting background motivation for Jason Vorhees, who becomes the unlikely hero (along with the obligatory blonde virgin). Best death by drugs scene ever!!
5. Jason X—Once you suspend your disbelief, which is surprisingly easy, this is just a damn fun movie—funny and surprising. The director also understands the scope of the series and plays to its campy strengths. Best in space sequel ever!
6. Sleepaway Camp II: Happy Campers—Everyone’s favorite transgendered killer is back, devising creative and amusing ways to kill all the teenagers with the budding libidos. Death by outhouse, BarB Q Stoner—and no real attempt to be serious like the original.
7. Leprechaun in the Hood—Setting affirmative action back ten years—all the stereotypes (the chronic laced with a four-leafed clover, young aspiring rappers, a magic flute, and hos hos hos). Ice-T pulls a baseball bat out of his Afro for Christ Sake. Note: stay away from Leprechaun in the Hood II; it does not recapture the magic of the original.
8. There’s Nothing Out There—The hero is a whiney video store employee who has seen every horror movie ever. The villain is a puddle-like alien who (like everyone) hates having a mouthful of shaving cream (see the movie).
9. Texas Chainsaw Massacre IV: A New Beginning—Matthew McConaughey as a psycho-tow truck operator with a remote control mechanical leg.
10. Evil Dead II—I pick this one instead of Army of Darkness, because Army of Darkness, although hilarious and gory, is no more a horror movie than Conan the Barbarian. Evil Dead II has Bruce Campbell basically retell the first installment of the series, making himself seem more bad-ass than he was in Evil Dead I.
11. Slither— This one really stands out as a good, entertaining, gory, hilarious throwback to the creature features of the 50’s. A new classic. Trust me. Gross.
12. Prom Night III— Mary Lou (From Prom Night II) escapes from jazzercise hell with a nail file, returns to her alma matter, and helps a confused teenage boy the only ways she knows how (with sex and slaughter),
13. Friday the 13th IX: Jason Goes to Hell— This one nods to so many different horror movies that it seems like they got half of their props at studio garage sales. See how many allusions you can find. This installment shows the series transforming from ridiculous to hilarious. It ties up the whole series quite nicely once you buy into the premise that once Jason’s body is in pieces, his essence can enter other bodies.
14. Idle Hands— Devon Sawa is a stoner who has his slacker hand possessed by the devil. Also stars Seth Green and Jessica Alba. Silly morbid stoner humor. For some reason, though, it wasn’t nearly as funny the second time I watched it.
15. Basket Case III— The premise—a homicidal deformed conjoined twin who was separated from his brother finds a special lady, knocks her up, and goes on a bus of Muppet-esque freaks. His brother gets crazy jealous but then discovers the meaning of family. Truly absurd 80’s special effects.
There are a lot of movies not here—you may be saying “I am outraged. How could this…this…guy forget the Scream series, or the Nightmare on Elmstreet series, or whatever. I’ve got two things to say: 1) Scream is a hybrid that is both funny and truly scary (and Meta-Horror) which is not what I’m talking about now and; 2) tell me what I’m missing— I have not yet watch every horror movie ever so tell me what else is out there so I can stop watching all these disappointing remakes.
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